


Love and Misunderstandings

by h4kisei_eqLove



Category: BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Drama, F/F, Pre-Relationship, birthday fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-28
Updated: 2020-02-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:33:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22924939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/h4kisei_eqLove/pseuds/h4kisei_eqLove
Summary: Kaoru loves her. So much that seeing Chisato's smile is enough for her.Chisato loves her. So much that she's afraid that Kaoru would end up loving someone else.
Relationships: Seta Kaoru/Shirasagi Chisato
Kudos: 57





	1. All I want is to see you smile

**Author's Note:**

>   
> __  
> Sorry I'm still recovering from apathy so this is kinda messy. I just wanted to write something for Kaoru's birthday ^^;  
> 

[ Chisato, are you perhaps free next Friday? ]

Kaoru typed out on her phone, messaging her childhood friend. 

She was about to send another message to confirm her schedule but she stopped and pondered about it for a while. Although it was natural for Kaoru to act on impulse, she thought about it first. She thought that Chisato might be busy and tired considering that they had not seen each other for so long because of work. So instead, she just waited for her to reply first in order to not bother her.

It has been long after they graduated from high school. It was six years to be exact. 

Kaoru seems to have not changed so much on the outside, considering she still plays as the “prince” to a lot of girls, running her mouth with flowery and flattering words and nonsense, and also still believing that Michelle is a bear. Inside, she had matured a lot and had been more kind and considerate to other people; and that only her close peers are the ones that had noticed it. In addition to that, her stunning looks which captured the heart of every “little kittens” she encountered, was more dazzling than before. Her radiant smile and bedazzling beauty not only captured many girl’s hearts but many guys as well.

After high school, Kaoru was asked by her grandfather to pursue a Business degree which she agreed to. But that didn’t let Kaoru stop acting on stage. She loves acting and for her it was her calling. While at University, she had been scouted by a popular all female theatre group which does not only play locally but travels the whole country to perform. But despite her busy schedule, she's still taking part of HaroHapi activities, after all she also wanted to make the world to smile too, and that is fleeting cause is it not?

Meanwhile, Chisato had her acting career steady while also still continuing her band activities.

Within the years, Kaoru and Chisato were very busy. Although, the two had gotten more and more closer as if trying to maintain and treasure the bonds they had during childhood. Whenever they had the time, they would contact and hangout with each other. Sometimes it would seem that Chisato would always be against that idea as they don’t have much free time. She always gives her a cold shoulder but ends up accompanying her anyway. Though it is just always a casual meeting, just two childhood friends hanging out, for Kaoru it means a lot to her. She knew in her heart how dear her childhood friend was. She had always admired her. 

She had always loved her.

But lately, they had not seen each other for a long time. And while that made Kaoru’s heart ache, longing for her, she knew how dedicated and committed her childhood friend is to her work and Kaoru respected that. Ever since they were children, Kaoru saw how much hard work and dedication Chisato has put through to her work so she cannot let herself be that selfish to take all of her time. Although, she would be very much happy if they can perform together again on the same stage. How fleeting would that be?

At the moment, she is writing ‘thank you’ messages on the pile of cards while waiting for Chisato to reply. It was actually her birthday next Friday and since every year she always receives love and appreciation from her fans and the people were close to her, she had decided this time that she would like to give them a gift instead so she decided to have a birthday live. A fleeting musical performance dedicated to those people cherishing her. Aside from her fans, family and friends, Kaoru wanted to invite Chisato, although she is unsure if her childhood friend would be free that day.

"I wonder what she's doing right now” Kaoru hummed while writing carefully on each card, each letter was beautifully written that one can know how earnest the person writing is. Those were actually the cards that she’s planning to give as a thank you to her fans and her friends after the birthday live.

"Oh, Maybe she's practicing her scripts" She suddenly nodded as she recalls the new drama in which Chisato had landed one of the leading roles. 

“Right! Chisato is the coolest after all” Kaoru muttered proudly of her childhood friend.

"Ah, or maybe, she’s practicing for their band performance next month" She thought again with full admiration of her. She remembered that Hina had invited her to Pasupare's concert next month. And yes, it was not Chisato who invited her. But it was always like that so she didn't mind it at all. Kaoru always goes to the stage plays which Chisato participates in, also she always attends PasuPare's live whenever she has some time. She even went PasuPare's handshake event before to support her but that made Chisato angry and while she did not understand why she never did that again.

"Well, it can't be helped" Kaoru smiled, looking at her phone. There was already a ‘read’ mark on her message so at least she had time to read it. She knew that Chisato is a hard worker who loves her job so she decided to not bother her anymore asking for her schedule. Kaoru then typed a short message inviting her although she is not sure if Chisato is free that day.

Kaoru then happily returned to what she was doing.

...

Her phone buzzed a notification. It was almost half an hour after she sent the last message and finally, there was a reply from her childhood friend. 

[ I'm not sure, if i have time I'll go ]

"How fleeting" she giggled, her smile was up to her ears, as she quickly typed a reply message.

[ Thank you, Chisato ]

Although it was uncertain, she was more than happy knowing that Chisato would consider going to her birthday live. Although it took long for her to reply, Kaoru was content since most of the time her childhood friend would just ignore her messages. Whilst sometimes she could not understand why Chisato gives her a cold shoulder, in her heart her childhood friend is still the kind and cool Chisato that she knew. She always thinks that Chisato is just busy and that it was natural for her to ignore messages.

After an hour, she had finally finished writing on a batch of cards.

"Hnn.." Kaoru stretches out her arms, feeling content with the progress she had done and decided to retire in bed for the night.

"Maybe this'll be enough for today" Kaoru told herself, cleaning up before climbing onto the bed. Suddenly her phone buzzed as the lights on the phone screen flickered, a notification for a new message.

Kaoru then unlocked her phone and read the message. Initially, she thought that it was from HaroHapi group chat or from her theatre group but… unexpectedly, it was from her childhood friend. The childhood friend whom she always admired.

It was a message that made her heart jump of happiness like a little kid that had been brought in an amusement park for the first time.

[ Kaoru, would you like something for your birthday? ]

Kaoru smiled to herself reading the message all over again. A light blush covered her cheeks with contentment.

”How fleeting, a birthday gift request, hm?” She giggled, Chisato never fails to make her happy. 

She thought about it for some moment but she's unable to think of anything. 

"Hmm.." Kaoru stared at the message. Although she is very much happy that Chisato asked her what she wanted as a birthday gift, she actually doesn't want any material things. 

Honestly, she just wanted to see her. But Kaoru thought that it might be too much to ask for her.

After considering it, she finally typed a reply. 

[ Seeing your smile is more than enough for me, Chisato ]

While it might look like her usual flattery and flowery words, Kaoru is telling what she really feels. Seeing her happy is enough for Kaoru.

It was her real feelings. 

Kaoru laid down contented, happily waiting for her reply. She was really glad that Chisato had asked her what she wanted for a birthday gift. The last time that Chisato had asked her what she wanted for her birthday was during their grade school. It was too long ago and she was extremely glad knowing that Chisato still wanted to do something special for her.

Kaoru happily grinned contemplating those days when they were kids. 

She waited for her reply but there was none. She thought again that Chisato is just really busy and it was already more than enough that she had replied to her message, moreover she even asked for what she wanted for her birthday, she cannot be greedy anymore. So, Kaoru decided to just sleep but not after wishing her a good night.

[ Good night, my dear Chisato. Have a good night's sleep. ]

…

Morning came, Kaoru's alarm started to ring loudly but she had only woken up on the second alarm. 

She was supposedly early today since she had rehearsal for her birthday live in which her theatre group is helping her with.

"Ah, how foolish of me slacking off whilst my dear kittens are working hard for my sake" Kaoru stated dramatically upon rising in her comfy bed. She then rushed out to get ready for the day. 

As she stands up, she suddenly remembered last night when her beloved childhood friend asked her what she wanted for her birthday. Just remembering it makes Kaoru smile at herself.

She turned around reaching for her phone, checking the messages and seeing if she had replied. There are many message notifications but it was mostly from her theatre group asking about the particulars of the show in which she had replied diligently.

"Ah, It can't be helped. Chisato is a very busy person." Kaoru argued a part of herself that feels longing for her childhood friend. Pushing her thoughts away, she then got ready for the day and made her way to the rehearsal studio. 

That day went like a blink of an eye, the rehearsals for the show were going smoothly. 

During her free time, Kaoru casually checks her phone for messages but as she had expected there was no message from _her_. For Kaoru though, it is not that unusual that Chisato would not reply. Even so, she'd still check her phone from time to time.

…

And then, another day had passed by. In the morning, Kaoru had finished all the ‘Thank you’ cards she planned to give on her birthday and then she had a modelling work during the afternoon. 

Recently, she had been scouted to be a model for a fashion company which mainly sells ‘cool’ types of clothes. Before there are already some people trying to scout her but she had only accepted this one as the clothes truly matches her tall and slim body and that Chisato had actually praised her, once.

In the evening, HaroHapi had invited her to a dinner in which she gladly went. Despite their busy schedules as all of them have work, they still hangout, have some fun and relax together. For Kaoru, she truly treasures these friends of hers without a doubt. Sadly, Michelle still rarely goes to have fun with them.

Days had passed by fast. Despite the longing feeling for her childhood friend, Kaoru had busied herself on the rehearsals, working diligently on her acting and singing. After all, she needs to give her best performance for the audience. Also, she still has this little hope that Chisato might go see her on her birthday. That is why she cannot slack off, she doesn't want Chisato to see a poor performance of her 

…

Soon, it was already Kaoru’s birthday. At exactly 12am, just when the day switched to 28th, Kaoru’s social media was filled with birthday wishes and warm messages from the fans and her friends alike. There were also fans posting images of a birthday cake which they especially ordered with Kaoru’s name on it wishing her a happy birthday. There were also many fan arts of hers and also many were saying that they are looking forward to her birthday live. It was a very special day for Kaoru’s fans that the hashtag for Kaoru’s birthday was among the trend list..

Kaoru was very touched by how much people loved her. She wanted to thank every one of them but since there are too many, she can only post a message to thank them all. Whilst the message content is so long and full of flowery words, the fans can tell she had put an effort coming up with the message before posting it. Also, the simple ‘Thank you, from the bottom of my heart’ at the end of the message and accompanying it was a super gorgeous picture of Kaoru in her casual clothes that she wore at home is enough treat for the fans’ eyes to feast on.

Meanwhile, HaroHapi had video called her at exactly midnight to greet her and celebrate. While they might not be together celebrating and that Kaoru was alone at her apartment that time, she can feel that warm feelings she's not alone.

That morning, Kaoru arrived punctually in the venue for her birthday show. Just as she went inside the room, several party poppers popped at once and all of her colleagues greeted her with a birthday song. A large cake was also delivered to her by some of the members while singing the birthday song. After which they gesture Kaoru to make a wish and blow the candle.

"Seta-san"

"Kaoru-san"

"Senpai~"

"Happy Birthday~!!!" The members of the theater group cheered again.

This made Kaoru teary eyed but she still regains her composure. She had never expected them to throw a surprise for her. She really liked this theatre group, not only they have given her a chance to pursue stage acting and help her more to hone her skills, the members and as well as the staff were nice to her and even supported her with her birthday show. Like HaroHapi, this group was now like a family to her.

"Thank you, my dear kittens. This is truly, truly fleeting. Ah- tis' indeed, this beauty is so sinful, to have so many people love me this muchー" Kaoru started her monologue dramatically. Since all of them knew her narcissistic tendencies, the members could only laugh. But still the genuine smile and her teary eyed gaze before them made them understand that she was very thankful.

"Now, now, Prince Charming. You should just pay up by focusing on the show” A member cuts her off. They had been with Kaoru in the group for years that they already knew how to handle her. At first, Kaoru might seem an overly self-absorbed narcissist to her but as time passes, not only her but all of them, saw how passionate she is towards work and how kind and compassionate she is to others. 

"Right! I took a look earlier and there was already a long line outside!" Another member commented with amusement. "The whole venue might be even crowded! It was sold out!" She added. The venue was not big but it was not small either. It was a concert hall after all. Initially they had thought of booking a smaller venue but after the tickets reservation had sold out and many were still asking them for tickets. They had switched to a bigger venue. 

"Woah, really? Kaoru senpai is so cool" a member chirped in amazement, she was one of Kaoru's juniors that had a crush on her. Being a popular theater group, most of the main actors are well known and have dedicated fans as well throughout the country and although, some of them will participate in this show, this is still focused on Kaoru so the number of people attending was enough to make her amazed.

"Ah, this is truly fleeting" Hearing their words Kaoru flashed a smile before them, but it was not the usual Prince charming smile. It was more like a bashful grin, that was a rare sight. It may be because of the overwhelming emotions Kaoru felt receiving love from other people but it was still breathtaking that it made those members who had crush on her squeal internally.

After the final rehearsal in the morning, Kaoru rested in the dressing room before the show. She could not help but to think if her childhood friend will come to see her. She had not sent her a single message after asking her what she wanted for her birthday. Whenever Kaoru thought of calling her, she'd stopped herself after one or two calls that were not picked up. If it was before she'd try calling her again and again until Chisato would answer but seeing her childhood friend busy work, she had learned to push away her feelings for her. She just wants Chisato to take a proper rest and not bother.

_"I wonder if Chisato would come,"_ Kaoru thought as she helplessly smiled. 

There is a small chance she would but she'd cling to this little hope that she had. 

… 

Finally, it was the time for the show. 

The stage lights flickered lively syncing to the music playing as Kaoru descended upon the stage. Kaoru was gorgeous with her costumes. From a man's suit to a beautiful dress, even a weird style and out of the world garment looked dashing to her.

The loud applause, the shriek and squeal from the excitement, the cries of her fans cheering for her echoed throughout the hall with each of her performances. Every scene was astounding.

Until the curtain drops, Kaoru immersed herself with the show delivering a fully satisfying performance for her fans.

At the end of the show, her friends as well as her family visited her backstage, congratulating her. Flowers and countless gifts from her friends and fans, filled up the dressing room. 

It was a very jovial mood. It was a picturesque, happy scene for Kaoru. It was her special day after all and many people are celebrating it with her. But then no matter how she does not pay attention to it, there was a tug from her chest, that something is missing. Although she knew why, she could not complain. She would never dared to. So, she continues to smile.

"Congratulations"

"Happy Birthday" 

The greetings continued after some time as her friends, the theatre members came back and forth the dressing room.. Kaoru would then chat with them and thank them but every time when the door opens and people go back and forth, Kaoru would unconsciously look as if waiting for someone. This was specially noticed by Kanon and Misaki but they did not want to pry on as they respected their friends.

There is still a tiny hope inside Kaoru that it might be that Chisato was just late and would show up soon. She wanted to message her, call her even, but she gave up that idea.

HaroHapi waited for Kaoru, helping her to pack her things. Kokoro and Hagumi were talking endlessly about how they should do another Live soon. Meanwhile, Misaki and Kanon were amazed once again from the mountain of gifts Kaoru had received that she'd need to call for a pickup truck to deliver it to her apartment tomorrow.

After packing, Kaoru looked at the clock. It was late already and she didn't want to trouble her friends anymore for her own selfish desire. Alas, her tiny hope in seeing her childhood friend, the person she loved the most, on her special day was gone. Kaoru just told herself that Chisato is just busy.

The group then went to a nearby restaurant to celebrate for a bit before going home. She could not thank them enough for spending their time with her. They already greeted her on the video call earlier but still went to watch her show and even accompanied her to dinner. Truly what wonderful friends she has. She is really blessed.

…

It was already really late at night when she arrived home. 

A dark cold room greeted her, since right now she is living alone.

"Ah, how fleeting birthdays are" Kaoru helplessly smiled to herself after plumping down on the sofa. She was tired but thinking the audience’s contentment after the show was its own reward. She was glad that she had given them a wonderful show.

She quickly checked her phone for new messages. Kaoru sighed as she leaned back on the sofa. She closed her eyes to rest until the bath was ready

Still no messages from _her_. 

Afterwards, she finished a quick but soothing bath. 

Then she went back to the living room to rest, she looked at her phone again as she sat again on the sofa.

[ 11:45 ] 

“How unfortunate, Chisato must have been busy" She told herself, staring at her phone. Probably due to tiredness, she cannot hide the sadness in her tone anymore. It was such a fleeting day indeed, she had lovely fans, supportive family and wonderful friends.. but the person she loves the most was not there. 

Not even a message. 

All she was waiting for was her message and all these sadness will go away. The incompleteness that she felt would be gone after that. Just one message, just a greeting would suffice.

  
  


[ 11:50 ]

"Well, it can't be helped.." She muttered.

While she had waited for her, a long time. She could not hide her dismay anymore. Still she could never get angry, not with the person she loves the most.

Silence filled her heart as she watched the time on the screen of her phone.

[ 11:51 ]

.

[ 11:52 ]

.

[ 11:53 ]

.

[ 11:54 ]

.

[ 11:55 ]

She stared for a few seconds on her phone before she finally stood up, deciding to rest for the night. 

"She had just important things to do today, she's very busy" Kaoru repeatedly told herself while making her way to her bedroom.

This time, she could not bear it waiting for her message until it was already past the next day, past her birthday. The feeling of extreme happiness to sudden loneliness was too much for her.

Suddenly, Kaoru was startled interrupting her thoughts when her doorbell rang.

"Hm?" Kaoru paused before going back to her senses. 

She went at the door looking at the security camera to check the sudden visitor. 

As much as she wanted to hope that it was the person she wanted to see the most, she knew it was already impossible. 

Chisato is avoiding going alone to her apartment fearing the bad rumors would circulate around them, it was also the reason why Chisato had been hanging out with her less frequently lately and would only agree if they are with their friends. Moreover, it was already so late.

When Kaoru looked at the screen, It was a girl with a small stature. She wore thick coats which cover her small body, a mask and scarf that covers half of her face and neck and her hair had been hidden beneath a hat. Usually with these outfits it would be difficult for a person to tell who it is and even suspect them but at one glance Kaoru immediately pulled her door open letting the visitor come in from the outside cold.

The small girl then closed the door behind her as Kaoru was surprised in front of her that her mouth was slightly open and could not utter a word.

The small girl removed her hat letting her long silky blonde hair flow freely, then removing her mask and lowered her scarf revealing her delicate and beautiful face. 

"Chisato?" After a few seconds of staring, Kaoru who seemed to regained her senses, called her sudden visitor. She could not believe her eyes. This must be a dream.

"Kaoru" the girl rushed up to her hugging her tight. 

Before Kaoru could even hug her back and confirm that she must have been dreaming, her neck was pulled down by the smaller girl's arms and kissed her deeply on the lips. 

“Happy Birthday, Kaoru"

Kaoru was dumbfounded for a moment, It must be her own delusion from still hoping that she would see her beloved on that special day. It must really be a dream.

But then she heard the girl’s wobbly voice, the small girl was still pulling her and the girl’s face was buried on her neck. "I'm sorry, I'm late."

It was exactly 12:01.

They had stayed for a while like that, until Kaoru fully realized that she wasn't dreaming at all. She pulled her tightly returning the hug.

“I’m glad. Thank you Chisato”

Kaoru felt a warm water flow on her neck making her panic. “Um- Chi- Chisato?!”

"Chisato?! You're crying?" Kaoru asked frantically with her with her deep and low voice. She was really worried. Chisato would never cry like this! Kaoru did not want to see her cry. She had seen her cry before when they were kids and Kaoru had always regretted it that she had not been strong to protect her, to prevent her from crying.

"I'm not crying! Dummy!" The girl looked up to her and glared. As if all hate and love was thrown at Kaoru as Chisato tightened her hug onto her, pushing her down and making their bodies fall on the floor.

Kaoru saw her murmuring something but couldn’t make it out.

“I- I see?” Kaoru was still frantic but she’s also now confused. What is even happening?

Kaoru was just laying there trying to figure things out with her childhood friend on top of her hugging her. “Um, Chisato?” Kaoru asked confusingly but there was just silence. 

She wanted to ask why Chisato unexpectedly visited her alone at night to wish her birthday.. and that kiss. Kaoru blushed at the thought, it seems to her that it was a dream. While she might be really happy about it might only mean her affection after all she once saw her friends done that so she pushed things aside. She doesn't want to question her anymore if she doesn’t want to. 

Although, Kaoru is very worried about Chisato crying. She thought that maybe she had a bad day today so she went to visit her personally. If that’s the case, Kaoru is more than happy to comfort her beloved. Suddenly, Kaoru suddenly remembered Chisato’s circumstances making her stop her thoughts.

“Chisato, it’s already late. Aren’t you going back?” 

She knew Chisato is afraid that rumors of them going out might start to spread and that it would certainly affect her childhood friends efforts. She did not want that to happen. 

She was waiting for her to answer but Kaoru was startled with Chisato’s sudden loud but brittle voice. She was crying again.

“Why!?”

Kaoru was confused. 

She did not really know why her beloved childhood friend would cry like this in front of her.

As Kaoru thought of how to ease Chisato’s distress. Her lips met with a forceful kiss. Nibbling her lips, Chisato forced through intertwining their tongues.

Kaoru was now even more confused but she felt that this isn’t right. 

Chisato is crying, she is in pain, and no matter what, Kaoru does not want to see her like this.

“Chi-Chisato.. Wait- ” Kaoru panted heavily, stopping the kiss. 

“So.. you're willing to do these kinds of things with someone else instead?” Chisato broke down with cries. As much Chisato is good at handling her emotions,it seems that this was already her limit. 

There was sadness and pain as Kaoru looked at her.

Finally, Kaoru understood. Her childhood friend, the person she admires the most, the person she loves the most, She feels the same. But despite being happy, she just wants to stop her from crying. She might have done something wrong to make her like this, she cursed herself for the first time to not even notice it. How did she let this happen? Why did she make her cry in pain?

“What are you saying, Chisato?” Kaoru caressed her cheeks like a delicate treasure, wiping all the tears away. 

“I would never do something like this to others” Kaoru softly whispered as she planted a sweet short kiss on her lips. The warmth of the kiss was enough to melt Chisato’s worries away. 

“Chisato, I love you.”

“It is only you that I love. And I don’t need any reason, It is because it is Chisato, that I love.”

Chisato’s eyes widened upon hearing these words. She met with Kaoru’s gentle gaze full of worry and affection. Kaoru had told her that many times but this time, the sweetness of Kaoru’s gesture conveys how much sincereness she had for her.

Although that is enough for Chisato to calm down, she interrogated her further.

“Then, what about those rumors?” 

“What rumors?” Kaoru was baffled. She really did not know anything. 

Seeing Kaoru’s reaction, Chisato’s eyebrows furiously knitted again.

“You’re dating someone, your co-actress who was also a model, for over a month. You often go to lunch and dinner with her. You even gave her a specially made valentine’s gift. You always have several kiss scenes with her..” Chisato listed one by one as if she is starting a trial of Kaoru’s sins.

“T-That is..” In just a second, Kaoru looked like a cornered rat. Kaoru stammered like a kid who was cornered by her mother for doing bad things. “W-well she always invites me so I couldn’t bring myself to reject her and a-about the gift.. she asked me for that and since she’s always helping me i wanted to do her a favor.. The kiss scenes, uhm.. that cannot be avoided but it’s only for a few secondsー” 

As Kaoru gave her explanation, she met an icy gaze that she can feel a shiver crept up to her spine.

“So?” Chisato who was still on top of her does not seem to be satisfied.

“U-uuhm.. Is- Is there something wrong with that?” Kaoru gulped, now fearing her life. If looks could kill she already felt her death sentence. She didn’t even know why she was guilty!

“Kaoru you big idiot!” Chisato growled at her. 

“How can you not realize?”

“Do you even know- ” Chisato uttered in a low voice and Kaoru could not hear the next words. 

Again, Chisato buried her face onto her neck. Which made Kaoru panic.

“Uh- Chisato? Chisato?” She called. Chisato would not cry anymore would she?

“...” 

Again, Kaoru could not hear it properly. “Uhm, Chisato? Can you please repeat it again?”

“Jealous..” 

Hearing it, Kaoru was stupefied and her mouth formed an O shaped. Meanwhile, Chisato buried her face further, she did not want to show her face but Kaoru can feel the heat on her neck. Apparently, Chisato had her whole face reddened probably from embarrassment. 

A few minutes later, they stayed in that position until Chisato broke the silence with a light laughter. This made Kaoru smile, she really loves Chisato's smile the most.. 

Then, Chisato finally got up on top of her, freeing Kaoru to sit. 

“I’m sorry, Chisato. I haven’t had a clue.” Kaoru started. They stared at each other and before Chisato could even speak, Kaoru confessed to her once again.

“While you often did not believe me, my feelings to you are true, Chisato. I love you. I always have. I will always. But I know I cannot force you with my love, I cannot demand from you. I also know how much you love your career, and all I wish is for you to be happy, All I want is to see you smile.”

Chisato did not utter any word, instead her eyes welled up but unlike before it was not from the pain anymore, Instead It was from the relief she felt after pouring out her long suppressed emotions. The relief of knowing clearly that her childhood friend loves her back. And how selfless Kaoru’s love for her is.

“Chisato, believe me. You are the only one I will have these feelings.” Kaoru leaned in closer kissing her in the forehead.

“I love you with all my heart. I am willing to wait for you and that even if in the future you end up loving someone else, I will still support you no matter what” Kaoru gave her a gentle, loving smile. 

“Dummy!!” Chisato yelled at her before saying in low voice “You’re the only one, I love.” 

Chisato kissed her again, this time it was so tender. Kaoru’s heart is beating faster as she returned the kiss. Kaoru never felt so complete like this. Just knowing that the person she loved the most loves her back makes her feel so complete.

Chisato and Kaoru continue to gaze lovingly at each other after a long sweet kiss.

“Kaoru, I love you. Thank you for being part of my life. Thank you for being born”


	2. Suppressed Love and Jealousy

Chisato finally got home after she finished her work that requires them to travel to different prefectures. It was pretty tiring but since it was work and that it was for her fans, she could not complain that much. She sat on her bed after finishing a long hot bath to relieve the stress that was building up from work and her private life, when her phone notified a new message.

[ Chisato, are you perhaps free next Friday? ]

It was from Kaoru, her childhood friend. The childhood friend who is always supporting her and admiring her. But was actually the main source of her stress. Although she appreciates Kaoru and is thankful that she is always there for her, what's stressing her is the emotions she felt for her that she was trying to suppress.

"Next Friday is.." Chisato dazed off to their childhood memories. 

Young and innocent they were before but then she realized the world is not that understanding and people would always assume what they wanted, harsh criticisms will be thrown without even knowing the facts, and Chisato needed to grow up and be professional in order to survive the entertainment business. 

However, her childhood friend stayed the same, or at least when Kaoru is not pretending as a charming prince in front of other people. Back then, she thought that Kaoru had changed so much after they had been separated in middle school and also joined acting. She was really disappointed, even mad at her. She feared that, like her, she would also have her emotions sealed in order to be a professional. But Chisato was wrong, although her appearance might have changed, she's still the gentle, kind and caring Kaoru she knew.

Even after they had graduated from highschool and things got busier than ever, Kaoru would often attend their live shows, Kaoru would always send a handwritten message with gifts and the likes. Kaoru would often call her or message her to just chat, or ask what she was doing, or message just a simple greetings of good morning and good night. Kaoru would also tell her encouraging messages or funny lines that always make Chisato laugh as if that Kaoru knew that she had a bad day.

Kaoru had already told her how much she loves her, countless times even. 

But since it is Kaoru, She knew that girl might not mean it romantically, after all 'I love you' is a casual remark for her fans and who knows how many times she had told every friend of hers that 3 words.

Chisato never dared to clearly ask and ignores her every time Kaoru spewed that line.. every time, she could feel her chest tightens.

"Next week, huh" Chisato rummaged her bag looking for a notebook where she writes all her schedule. She actually thought it is possible to reschedule her other appointments but she wanted to celebrate Kaoru's birthday together. Even if it is just a dinner together, she wanted to do something special for her the last time. 

She was staring at the message Kaoru sent almost an hour ago while considering her options to reschedule some of her work and plan out her disguise to meet her, and the emotions that she needs to control after seeing her when Kaoru sent a new message.

[ Well you see, I wanted to do something different this year, every year, I received lots of love from the people who are supporting me and so I thought I'll show my appreciation through a play. My theatre group has been helping me to organize … ]

Upon reading the message, Chisato nearly threw her phone. "Right.. of course she'd do that " 

Chisato initially thought that Kaoru would ask her out alone like she always did. She would never admit that she was disappointed. It's not like she wanted only her and Kaoru to celebrate together. What was she even hoping for!? She knew it was useless.

“Well, at least, she’s not spending it alone with someone else...” No matter how hard she calms down herself, rage and sadness fill her up. Actually, she did not want to go, upon hearing that her theater group was there to help her, she did not want to go but she did not want to be obvious. Later on, she’ll just excuse herself with work so she typed out, finally sending a reply.

[ I'm not sure, if i have time I'll go ]

[ Thank you, Chisato ]

Kaoru's reply was fast, as if she was waiting for Chisato to reply. It was always like this, Kaoru would always promptly reply to her messages and even send a message every night wishing her a good sleep, but Chisato would end up ignoring them since she finds it too hard to reply with her messages. She feared that she'd fall for Kaoru even further.

True that there are many lovable traits from Kaoru, but she never even noticed when her feelings for her childhood friend turned into a romantic one.

Besides that ‘princely’ image and superfluous acting of hers, which irked Chisato the most, Kaoru has an adorable childlike smile whenever Chisato is being soft on her and that always made her squeal internally. Her blushing face is so cute whenever Chisato teases her. And although Chisato always hides it through a sigh, Kaoru’s weird but innocent remarks whenever she utter something she didn’t clearly know is adorably funny too. Also, when Chisato does her favors, Kaoru’s genuine smile radiates on her beautiful face that it makes it more captivating and Chisato often finds herself lost of words to reply. And above all, her never changing kind and caring demeanor which is like sunshine after the rain, a sugar in a bitter coffee, that makes Chisato feel comfort and security after having a bad day.

When she already realized, Chisato suppressed all of her feelings towards her childhood friend. After all, at the end of the day, they are both girls, and they both have committed themselves to their work and fans.

While it is not against her contract as an ‘idol’, relationship ban has been a culture in the idol industry. It was already an unwritten rule. It is true that there are fans who would still support their idols about having a relationship while being an idol, but there will be always a hardcore fans that would be against it. Moreover, She’s also an actress. What would people say if they found out she’s dating another woman? With the fierce competition in the entertainment industry and every time when more and more young and fresh faces debut, how can they afford to lose their fans? That would surely be a blow not only to her but also Pasupare as a whole group. She can’t afford dragging her band mates with her own selfishness.

She didn't want to admit that she already had fallen in love with her childhood friend.

And she was already determined to seal her emotions for Kaoru, if possible to erase all of it. Even if Kaoru did love her back, she knew that it goes the same for Kaoru, she can't also betray her own fans. 

But then, one day, Chisato had heard that Kaoru is now dating someone, an actress from Kaoru’s theatre group.

There’s no way Kaoru would! She already told herself repeatedly. 

She could not believe it. 

She would not believe it. 

She was mad, she was furious, she was hurt… 

She wanted to ask Kaoru but she had never had the courage to face it.

What if it was true?

Deep in her heart, she knew Kaoru did not do anything wrong.

But if Kaoru did love someone else.. she had no right to stop them… 

Last week, it was Valentines and due to work she hadn't had the chance to meet Kaoru until later that day. At first, She felt so conflicted about her pent-up emotions but in the end she made homemade chocolate for Kaoru despite her busy work. She wanted to give her something… and if possible ask her about the rumors. It was just a rumor, she wanted to believe. There’s no way Kaoru would do that.

That Valentines day Kaoru was surrounded by a lot of girls. If it were the other girls, Chisato would go to her directly, subtly shoving the other girls away. She was Kaoru’s childhood friend after all, it is not weird for her to get her something right?

But then, when she tried to walk up to surprise Kaoru. A woman clung onto Kaoru’s arm then they bid farewell to the other girls as they walked together, alone. Kaoru was smiling, that woman was also smiling.. They are so sweet with each other, They seem to be happy together… like a couple… 

And she was just a childhood friend. 

At that time Chisato wanted to cry, but she needed to pull herself together. She went back to her apartment without giving the chocolates to her. She threw away the chocolate she made as she cried her heart out.

Maybe it was for the best…

Chisato continued to look at her messages from Kaoru, again tears run down her face. She really wanted to give her something Kaoru's special day, she wanted to do something for her. Even if it is for the last time. Just something that would make her move on with the feelings for her.

[ Kaoru, would you like something for your birthday? ]

Without thinking she suddenly pushed the send button. She might change her mind and give up the idea over all.

Chisato waited for her reply.Normally, Kaoru would promptly reply to her message but as seconds tick, minutes passed. Her negative thoughts went back.

Would she prefer that woman's gift?

But before she got sunk in her thoughts, Kaoru had replied.

[ Seeing your smile is more than enough for me, Chisato ]

“No fair… ” Chisato’s tears rolled down her cheeks. 

“Why do you keep on making me fall for you even more?”

“Why are you hurting me even more, Kaoru?”

Their memories together flood her.

She cried silently until she fell asleep.

… 

The next morning, she has band rehearsals but Chisato does not feel well.

Their concert is already next month and with their different jobs they should make up for those times that they had not practiced together. She’s worried that it might affect them as a whole

  
  


_ Thumm!! _

A loud, off beat, sound of bass rippled on their practice studio. Aya, Hina, Maya and Eve looked at Chisato with a perplexed look.

“I’m sorry” Chisato immediately apologized. As much as she’s trying to perfect the notes, her emotions are bothering her.

“Chisato-chan, Is there something wrong?” Aya asked worriedly and the others gave her a look of worry too.

“Sup? you are not feeling boppin’ at all” Hina told her following Aya.

“Sorry. Don’t worry about me, Just a little tired.” Chisato gave them a small smile but that did not reassure them.

“In times like this, a rest is a must! Chisato-san!” Eve told her trying to cheer her up holding her hand.

“Well, we already practiced for a while so a short break is not that bad. Chisato-san, what do you say?” Maya asked her.

“Sorry about this.. Thank you guys” Chisato sighed but smiled at them which finally made the others somehow relieved.

Chisato rested on the chair closing her eyes, she felt so tired, really tired. She does not want to drag the other members on her own problems. She needed to pull herself together!

“Ah right! Did Kaoru-kun invite you to her party next friday!” Hina exclaimed.

At that moment, Chisato’s heart was startled just by hearing Kaoru’s name.

“Uh- Hina-san, It’s not a party but a Birthday show” Maya corrected Hina who she just gave her a puzzled look.

“Ehh.. Isn’t it the same? Too bad I can’t go that day.. ” Hina complained

“Well, we have a magazine interview that day and we need to fly to Hokkaido that night for a Radio guesting the next day. It cannot be helped. ” Aya pampered the mint haired girl. “I know, We’ll just send her a souvenir gift alright?”

“Boo..” Hina pouted.. “Kaoru-kun’s party seems to be fun too.. ”

“Eve-san and I cannot go either too. Eve-san has modelling work that day and I also have an interview for a music magazine.” 

“I shall go and write an apology letter for Kaoru-san” Eve contemplated giving a determined look

“No, Just write a normal birthday message, Eve-san..” Maya commented.

Meanwhile, Chisato is just there trying to act normally. 

While Hina might be a little clueless of others emotions, her instincts are somehow on point, also the others might notice something too.. She did not want her bandmates to be dragged with her own problems.

“Ah-! Did you know~! There are rumors that Kaoru-kun is dating someone and the rumored girlfriend is at her birthday party~! But it was only rumors! Did you know something about it Chisato-chan?”

Hina’s question felt like a pang. It was bullseye.

There was a few seconds before Chisato answered. “Ah, sorry I did not know. Also I think I feel better now. Should we continue the practice?” 

She had enough pain.

Aya wanted to stop Hina but it was too late. She looked at Chisato and saw those expressions that she had seen the first time she met her. Coldness. 

“O-ok” Maya and Eve felt that something was amiss. Despite being worried, they know that they should give Chisato some privacy.

The practice then started again. Chisato gripped her bass as she strum and pluck the strings. 

_ “Right… Like before, I don’t need to be sad, these feelings… needs to be buried ” _

She went along with the melody, immersing herself with the loud music

_ “One day, these feelings will just be an experience.. An experience that will help me in acting…” _

… 

  
  


After that day, days went by. 

Chisato focused herself on work, and but only work. 

She wanted to drown herself with work. Not thinking about the stupid emotions she’s feeling.

“Chisato-chan!!” She heard Aya, Hina, Maya and Eve called her as they rushed out to her falling body.

.

.

.

.

When she woke up, she was at the hospital. It was overwork.

“Chisato-chan, are you feeling ok now?” Aya asks her worriedly to the point of crying as Hina pats her back.

“Geez, you really scared us,” Hina added.

“Are you okay now, Chisato-chan?” Eve asked again when it seemed like Chisato was still in daze.

“Ah, yes, I’m sorry...” It was all Chisato could say. She didn’t want to trouble them but she caused them more than trouble.

“But we’re glad that you’re okay. The doctor said that you need to rest for a while. ” Maya informed her with a sigh of relief.

“But-” 

Chisato wanted to complain but she had already troubled others and she did not want to trouble them anymore.

“Ok.. ”

… 

The next morning, Chisato was just lying down in her bed. 

She doesn’t want to think of anything… But since she had been told to rest even for a few days, she can’t do anything.

Bzzzt..

Chisato’s phone buzzed with a new message. She thought it was just Kaoru and she didn’t want to see her messages that would only make her heart ache. Kaoru had also called her the other day but she didn’t answer. Normally, Kaoru would endlessly call her until she answers it but lately she only called her a few times… her messages are also few lately… sometimes none at all. If it was before, she’ll always be annoyed when Kaoru spams her… 

Chisato smiled bitterly. 

It seems that her tears had dried up, that she can only feel the pain and not cry.

She sighed heavily as she unlocked her phone and saw it was from her best friend asking her if she’d like to go out for tea in which she immediately agreed.

Later that day, Chisato tried to relax at the cafe and entertain herself with Kanon and her stories for her.

But then she forgot that Kaoru and Kanon are in the same band.

“Uhm, Chisato-chan, I didn’t mean to pry but… ” Kanon nervously asked her which made Chisato have a serious expression as if she can already tell what her best friend is about to ask.

“So-sorry… ” Kanon panicked and didn’t ask further.

“... ” 

There was just silence between them, but it was supposedly relaxing tea time.

…

And then another day quickly flew, but for Chisato the days are longer without having work to drown her emotions. She spent most of her time sleeping and cleaning the house. 

Then it was Kaoru’s birthday, she wanted to sleep all day but since she had slept too much she can’t sleep anymore so she focused herself on practicing for their live concert while she gulped down the bitter alcohol she bought last night.

She was not fond of drinking but she can handle it well. It was just to make her numb and forget the things she wanted to forget, even if it’s temporary. She believes that she’ll be able to forget it soon.

It was already late at night when she noticed her surroundings. She already stopped practicing as she can already feel the pain from her scraped fingers due to continuous practice. 

Just as when she plans to just drown herself on the remaining cans of alcoholic drink, her doorbell rang repeatedly.

When she finally opened the door, Hina suddenly barged in following the other PasuPare members.

“Chisato-chan!” Hina rushed to her gripping her on shoulders. And before she could even scold her, the next words startled her.

“Kaoru-kun is not dating anyone!” 

“What?” Chisato had heard her but could not comprehend. 

“I’m telling you, Kaoru-kun is not dating anyone, you should go ask her!” Hina repeated her words and now tried to drag her out of her house when Aya and Maya stopped her.

“Wait- wait.. What is happening? why are you four here, aren’t you supposed at work? Also, Hina what are you even saying? ” 

“Uhm- well you see-” Aya tried explaining but was interrupted by Hina

“Kanon-chan told us!”

“Wait, Hina-san” Maya stopped her as Chisato looks mad already.

"We don’t want to pry on your personal life but we're very worried about you Chisato-san" Eve declared.

"I heard from Kanon-chan that Kaoru-san told them she's not dating anyone. Also, Kanon-chan told me she's worried about you but she didn't want to meddle. But you see, we want you to be happy Chisato-chan" Aya fidgeted as she continued her earlier explanation while Maya secures Hina stopping her from interrupting.

"Sorry, you are just misunderstanding things. No matter who Kaoru dates does not concern me. Please go back to your work" Chisato said plainly

What are her friends saying? Is that really true? Should she feel happy and relieved? 

But… even if Kaoru is not dating anyone right now, then how about in the future? 

This is so absurd to her. She didn't want to process her emotions anymore.

She had enough pain.

"Is that really how you feel?" Hina asked after breaking free from her bandmate.

"Don't you love her?"

Chisato stopped for a moment.. looking all stiff but then she tried to regain her crumbling composure.

"No, please leave." 

"Chisato-chan!"

"Chisato-san!"

"Chisato-san.."

"What are you afraid of?" 

Hina's loud voice reverberated on her ears. It was like an arrow that shot her. It hit her so much that It made her stunned.

What am I afraid of ? 

The question stucked on her head 

It was…

  
  


"Don't worry about the group!!" Aya looked at her with determined eyes.

"I believe we can handle it" Eve reassured her.

_ "What are you guys saying?" _

Chisato wanted to tell them that their concern is not necessary, She didn't want to trouble them, to drag them down… But Chisato was now confused about what she was feeling. She feels so unsure anymore. She couldn’t move.

"Please, if you continue to bottle up your feelings, it will just hurt you even more so. Just go and clear your feelings, It’ll be alright." Aya held her, assuring her that things will really be alright. 

That moment Chisato's tears started to accumulate in her eyes. Is it really that easy to just face her own feelings, to go with her own selfishness? Is it really ok?

Chisato just stands there unmoving.

"That's right! Here we brought coats for disguise. Also a scarf, a mask, and a hat" Eve showed her the disguise items one by one "There's also sunglasses.."

"Geez… I'm telling you, you should not worry about that for now" Hina interrupted flashing her with a bright smile.

"Kokoro-chan and Misaki-chan called me earlier. They'll help us this time so you should go see her, Kaoru-kun was waiting for you y'know? Don't worry about those paparazzis~ " 

"Eh? Why did-" She can’t believe her ears, how come even they are helping her too? It’s too much for her. 

Although she was overwhelmed by what she's hearing and how much her friends care for her. Chisato was still indecisive. That feeling of wanting to face what she wanted to do, to face her pent up emotions surfaces on her but she still knew she can't sacrifice her band just for her own happiness, she can’t sacrifice their career for her own selfishness...

_ Is it really ok to face my feelings for her _

_ Also, even if I tell Kaoru what I feel...  _

_ Does she feel the same? _

It took her a long pause before speaking again

"But… "

"C'mon you don't need to worry y'know. It's not like other people will immediately know you're dating, It's not like the two of you will be lovey dovey in public. We can keep it secret! Like u-" Hina laughed but was cut off by Aya stopping her mouth

There was a pause before Chisato looked down "I'm not sure…" Even with her friends' support, there's still a part of her that is scared to face her own feelings.

"I'm sure Kaoru-kun loves you too!" Hina exclaimed after being freed, startling Chisato.

"Eh?" 

_ “Is that what it really looks like?” _

"Oh come on, Why are you being so unconfident now? I always hear her say that to you" 

"No, that is…" Chisato wasn’t even sure anymore.

"Also, Don't you want to see her and greet her on her birthday?" 

"I .. " 

_ [ Seeing your smile is more than enough for me, Chisato ] _

Kaoru's message flashed in her mind. Despite how superfluous Kaoru's phrases are. Chisato knew it when Kaoru really meant it.

Is it really ok to let out her own feelings? Her real feelings that she had been denying?

Will Kaoru be happy if she told her she loves her?

Why is she so stubborn

Why is she a coward…

.

.

"Oh come on, just don't think! Kaoru-kun’s birthday will be over if you don’t hurry!”

Hina and Aya dragged her out after making her wear the disguise clothing.

  
  


And so after a slight traffic and her friends cheering, Chisato was now in front of Kaoru's apartment. 

Her friends already left after patting her back. 

She spent some time staring at the door. Her thoughts flood of her recent emotions. 

_ "What are you afraid of?"  _

_ "I'm sure Kaoru-kun loves you too!" _

_ “Why are you being so unconfident?” _

Hina’s words flashback to her.. She knew the answers yet...

"But I saw her happily smiling with another person… " 

“Another person who can give her love without being afraid to show it to the world… ”

“Unlike me… ”

  
  


Her friends’ encouragement earlier somehow made her have that tiny courage that she unconsciously rang the doorbell.

_ "Just go, and clear your feelings _ ,  _ It’ll be alright" _

  
  


Seconds felt like a minute while waiting for Kaoru to answer. 

Several thoughts run in her head. 

It's not possible that she's spending a night with someone else, right?

_ clack _

The door suddenly opened. Then she saw Kaoru standing there in her pajamas, her long beautiful hair flowing on her shoulder amplifies her beautiful face. 

Chisato’s body seems to move on its own as she went inside and locked the door behind. Chisato removed her hat then mask as she continued to stare at the person in front of her.

"Chisato?" She heard Kaoru called. 

Kaoru’s low and gentle voice seems to have a magical effect making her tense body release all the pent up emotions she’s feeling. 

"Kaoru" Chisato rushed up to Kaoru hugging her tight. She had missed her so much that it’s as if her own body is moving, she reached to Kaoru circling her arms to the taller girl and started kissing her. 

“Happy Birthday, Kaoru"

Chisato felt her body weak, she buried her face on the taller girls neck. "I'm sorry, I'm late."

Will Kaoru push her after she kissed her? Will she hate her? 

Thoughts ran to her but she doesn’t care anymore. 

Kaoru’s scent feels so comfortable that she just stayed like that. 

“I’m glad. Thank you Chisato”

Chisato’s eyes welled up upon hearing Kaoru’s thanks. 

“Um- Chi- Chisato?!” Kaoru called her but she did not respond.

"Chisato?! You're crying?" Kaoru had asked frantically. Her deep and low voice echoed her worriedness but that only made her want to cry even more.

"I'm not crying! Dummy!" 

_ “Why do you keep on making me fall in love with you!” _

Chisato held back her tears but could not contain it anymore, she hugged her tight that she had pushed their bodies on the floor.

_ “I just miss you" _ Chisato murmured _ "So much it hurts" _

“I- I see?” 

_ “Kaoru… "  _

Chisato just laid down on her. It was so relaxing that she’s starting to forget all of the other things in the world.

“Um, Chisato?” 

_ “Kaoru… You’re not asking me about the kiss?"  _

Chisato wanted to ask her but she’s just staying silent as her head rested on Kaoru’s chin. The comfort makes her light headed she just wanted to sleep from all the tiredness she felt.

Did she love her too?

Chisato calmed down with the thought but she heard Kaoru’s question that made her fury resurface.

“Chisato, it’s already late. Aren’t you going back?” 

Kaoru’s question struck her that it made her all emotions come back to her.

When she heard from her friends that Kaoru is not dating anyone, It somehow gave her hope. 

But why is Kaoru shoving her now..

_ “Does she really have someone already?” _

No matter how she tries to control her emotions, it’s as if her energy is now all used up. Her tears are just flowing.

_ “I know, you deserve better… Another person who can give you love without being afraid to show it to the world… ” _

_ “But why does it hurt so much? ” _

“Why!?”

She yelled as tears continue to roll down. Chisato turned to face her as she forcefully kissed Kaoru. She nibbled her lips as she pushed through intertwining their tongues. It was as if she wanted to mark her.

“Chi-Chisato.. Wait- ” Kaoru panted heavily, stopping the kiss. 

“So.. you're willing to do these kinds of things with someone else instead?” Chisato broke down. Her handling of emotions reached its limit as she continued to cry.

_ “Kaoru, Do you hate it that much?” _

  
  


“What are you saying, Chisato?” Kaoru caressed her cheeks wiping all the tears away. 

“I would never do something like this to others” 

Her touch, her voice, it was so gentle while she gazed at her.

Kaoru planted a sweet short kiss on Chisato's lips. The warmth and sweetness of the kiss was enough to stop her tears.

“Chisato, I love you.”

“It is only you that I love. And I don’t need any reason, It is because it is Chisato, that I love.”

Chisato’s eyes widened upon hearing these words. Kaoru’s gentle gaze was full of affection as if it lifted her soul from the abyss

Does Kaoru really love her too? Chisato wanted to confirm.

“Then, what about those rumors?” 

“What rumors?” Seeing Kaoru’s ignorance, Chisato’s eyebrows furiously knitted. 

“You’re dating someone, your co-actress who was also a model, for over a month. You often go to lunch and dinner with her. You even gave her a specially made valentine’s gift. You always have several kiss scenes with her..” She listed Kaoru’s sins one by one .

“T-That is..” Kaoru tried to explain to her. Kaoru’s playful nature around other girls really got on her nerves although she knew that it is a character for `Seta Kaoru`.

“W-well she always invites me so I couldn’t bring myself to reject her and a-about the gift.. she asked me for that and since she’s always helping me i wanted to do her a favor.. The kiss scenes, uhm.. that cannot be avoided but it’s only for a few secondsー” 

“So?” As Kaoru explains, Chisato’s jealousy is resurfacing as she shot an angry glare at Kaoru.

How can Kaoru let a dating rumor go on to her? Kaoru would not let it since she prioritizes her fans first right? Is she really that close to that woman enough that rumors like that go around?

“U-uuhm.. Is- Is there something wrong with that?” Kaoru gulped, Chisato can see her frightened face.

“Kaoru you big idiot!” Chisato growled at her. 

Why is she even asking what’s wrong with that? Can’t Kaoru see what is wrong with that?

She doesn't need to spell it out, does she? 

“How can you not realize?”

“Do you even know- ” Chisato uttered in a low voice.. She didn’t really want to say it… 

Finally knowing that Kaoru did love her and the rumors isn’t true, she felt so stupid on getting frustrated and hurt. She’s so stupid for letting that rumor break her.But still, Chisato has that lingering feelings of insecurity

What will happen to them now?

They can’t date freely… They can’t go out and see each other freely, it would be hard to work out their relationship.

In the end, would Kaoru get tired of her?

In the end would she end up cheating on her? 

To a person who can shower her with affection not afraid of what the public would say?

Kaoru wouldn’t right?

Chisato buried her face onto Kaoru’s neck.  _ “Please stop being too sweet to other people” _

“Uh- Chisato? Chisato?” Kaoru called her with an extremely concerned and panicked voice.

_ “Don’t make me jealous of others anymore”  _

“Uhm, Chisato? Can you please repeat it again?” Kaoru asked her, she didn’t really want to say it out loud.

“Jealous..” That’s the only word Chisato could utter. She buried her face further on her lover’s neck. She can feel the heat on her face due to embarrassment. She could not admit how foolish she is for being overly jealous.

_ “I should’ve told you what I felt much earlier. Then everyone wouldn’t be worried. I should have been much braver.” _

_ “I’m such a fool” _

_ “How did I end up becoming foolishly in love with you, Kaoru?” _

Finally, Chisato’s mind has been cleared and the remaining pain in her chest has been finally lifted. 

Chisato could only laugh at her actions these past weeks, from being determined to deny her love but being overly jealous to being hospitalized due to stress and worry her friends. She thought how precious her friends are for being supporting her happiness.

She finally got up on top of her, freeing Kaoru to sit and face her. 

Kaoru was just smiling at her tenderly.

“I’m sorry, Chisato. I haven’t had a clue.” Kaoru started as they stared at each other. Before she could speak, she heard Kaoru confessed once again.

“While you often did not believe me, my feelings to you are true, Chisato. I love you. I always have. I will always. But I know I cannot force you with my love, I cannot demand from you. I also know how much you love your career, and all I wish is for you to be happy, All I want is to see you smile.”

Chisato can not utter any word, instead her eyes welled up. It’s as if the insecurities she has on their future has been washed out by Kaoru’s sincerity. 

Kaoru has been supportive to her all along! She should’ve known better than anyone. Isn’t it one of the many reasons she had fallen in love with her?

“Chisato, believe me. You are the only one I will have these feelings.” Kaoru reassured her as she kissed her forehead.

“I love you with all my heart. I am willing to wait for you and that even if in the future you end up loving someone else, I will still support you no matter what” 

Kaoru looked at her eyes as she gave her a gentle, loving smile.  An assurance that she’ll always be true to her.

“Dummy!!” Chisato yelled at her. What is she even saying?

“You’re the only one, I love.” 

Chisato kissed her again, It’s as if pouring all her feelings as Kaoru returned her kiss. It was a long sweet kiss.

No matter what, Chisato is now determined to balance her love and career. Although she still can’t openly show her affection due to their career, she won’t let that affect what they feel for each other.

“Kaoru, I love you. Thank you for being part of my life. Thank you for being born”


	3. おまけ

“Uhm, Kaoru, about us... ” Chisato held Kaoru’s hand. Now that they are finally clear of their feelings, they should start considering their relationship after all they are both actresses and Chisato is still an idol. Both of them have fans that might be against them having romantic relationships.

“Don’t worry” Kaoru replied at her with a smile, patting her head. “I told you I totally understand. Even though we can’t show it to other people, knowing that we love each other is more than enough, Chisato”

“It’s not easy you know..” Chisato pouted. How can she just casually say those things that makes her heart race. 

“I know, It’s very unfortunate I can’t declare my love for you publicly, Oh my dear Chisato” 

“Even if I’m not an actress right now, I’d hate you if you do that! Stupid Kaoru!”

Chisato snarled lightly pinching the taller girl’s cheek. 

Just a moment, Kaoru was so sweet and considerate that her heart was racing. This sudden change was too much.

“I’m sorry ” Kaoru tittered. “Anything but that...”

“Geez..” Chisato complained sighing but Kaoru just gave her an innocent laugh.

“Anyway, let me borrow your bath and clothes.” Chisato casually strolls around Kaoru’s apartment. She doesn’t bring that woman here or someone else, does she? She thought that she needed to make sure of it later.

“Are you sure it’s okay for you to stay over?” Kaoru asked.

“Yes, I’m sure. Don’t worry about it” Chisato reassured her as Kaoru nodded obediently.

.

.

After the quick bath, Kaoru offered to blow dry Chisato’s hair. Kaoru’s delicate and gentle touch as she caressed her hair gave Chisato a soothing feeling.

“It’s done, Chisato. It’s really late, you should take a rest.” Kaoru smiled as she offered her bed. “I’ll go sleep on the couch”

“No need, You’re tired from the performance too, right?” Chisato declined. They could just sleep on the same bed. What’s wrong with that? 

But as soon as she thought that, her face blushed. 

It’s just their first day as an actual lover, they can’t do something like this from the start. Although, It’s not like they are still young. They are in the right age to do something like this! 

But still, They should wait for a while… 

“Uhmー Chisato” Kaoru lightly tugged the hem of the large shirt Chisato was wearing. An intense red blush is apparent in Kaoru’s cheeks.

“Yes!?” Chisato was startled trying to calm down her speeding heartbeat. This is not what she thinks, right? 

”S-Something the matter Kaoru?”

“C-can we..” Kaoru slightly stuttered. Her shy face was so adorable that Chisato had already forgotten her own principles. She was really tired but right now, she wanted to tackle her down.

.

.

.

.

.

  
  


“Uhm.. So? What you wanted is… this?” Chisato sighed as Kaoru cooped her in bed, completely covering her back. 

“Un~ It’s been so long, since we’ve done this!” Kaoru chirped happily. She was smiling contentedly as she cuddled the smaller girl. 

“Back when we were kids, It was you who was always doing this for me when I’m scared of something.” Kaoru reminiscent of their childhood days. 

“Right, I was taller back then… ” Chisato complained. Kaoru had become a lot taller ever since but she only grew a few centimeters. Where was the justice? 

“I- I actually wanted to do this back then, I want to protect you too. To make you feel secure.” Kaoru held her tighter as she spoke in a soft voice.

Kaoru’s sweet voice rang into her as Chisato’s heart melted.. How cute her Kaoru is? Really.

“Kaoru, you already did” Chisato turned around to face Kaoru as she smiled warmly

“I love you, Kaoru”

“I love you, Chisato”

The two snuggled with each other until they drifted off to sleep…


End file.
